Z

Yesterday was the last day of my 6th term, and I can say that the past four months has been the hardest time of my college life (for most people).

but it was actually quite good for me.

i met a guy, 

He lit up myself like a forgotten galaxy was found in me.

he's that kind of guy who pick you up at 4 AM after a long day at college.

he's that kind of guy who drive you home at midnight because you need to pick something up,

he's that kind of guy who stay awake untill morning with you,

he's that kind of guy who make time for you everyday,

he's that kind of guy who gave you flower to cheer you up, (or chocolate, or candy, or anything that make you happy)

he's that kind of guy who sing to you,

he's that kind of guy who look at you and you feel loved,

he's that kind of guy who gave you a sick feeling everytime he left,

he's that kind of guy who hug you and you knew everything gonna be alright.

but most of all,

he's that kind of guy who make you believe you can love a person too much.

Yesterday, after the last exam, I stood up for 5 minutes and thought about how i couldn't get through this term without him, and what i want to do in mind is just to see him and tell him that.

I want to tell him how lucky I am to have him, 

And the past 4 months has been the happiest months of my life, 

maybe you know, maybe you didn't

I didn't plan to love you for days, for weeks, for months, 

I want years, I want forever.

I want your messy curly hair,
I want your jokes,
I want your warm hug,
I want your silly little things,
I want our late night call, our late night drive,
I want you to love me, to miss me,
forever.

and despite every bad things we had, you and I are something that I've been searching for, my whole life.

what you and I had, i don't want it with someone else,

I rather be messy and broken with you, than perfect with someone else,
you're not perfect, but you are perfectly perfect to me.

So, please don't give up too soon, okay?

immensity

"You met thousand people but none of them really touch You, and then You meet one person and your life is changed forever" - Love & Other Drugs (2010)

She lost someone  she thought she'll never loose, the day she loose him is the day she lost foundation to make it through each day , she  began to crumble.

suddenly all the love song became a sad song for her because every words of love song represent their times together

she stayed awake each night wondering what went wrong thinking what if he is really the one for her. wondering how will she love someone else after what she had with him.

 she woke up every morning wondering if he doing well, or maybe the whole break-up thing crushed him too.

he's happy, like it was the best thing that ever happen to him

it crushed her even more, but they said if you really love someone you'll let them go if you have to

so, she let him go

then she met someone,  he was like a sign that everything will be okay. she forgot the pain in her chest when she's with him. she laugh, I can say that she's happy

she don't even know what does he want  but she's happy, in fact she doesn't even care at first where this will lead them. then every love songs are no longer became a sad song for her, suddenly every love songs is about him. she stayed awake to remember how his smile look like, smile over a text message, stayed awake because she don't want to stop talking to him. she woke  up every morning feeling great because she forgot she just had a bad break up

He gave her forever within the numbered days

but then her stupid mind telling her that he will leave her someday and her life will once again ruined. she told herself that she can't have that anymore

my whole life she's been pushing people away, sometime she did that because she's afraid to get hurt. she keeps thinking that when you love someone then you have to deal with so much pains too, she is a lost soul who forgot the immensity of love, 

she pushed people away because she don't want to get hurt, but the truth is she's hurting myself by doing that. This time she keep wondering "do I made the right desicion?" her heart tell me It wasn't right, and It tell her that she just lost a great thing that probably will be the next best thing that ever happen to her

she didn't realized that she was falling for him, because if she wasn't she wouldn't hoping he's still around. she didn't realized that loosing him will crushed her, again.

then now, every love song for once again became a sad song. 

she stayed awake at night wondering  what if she just pushed away a great thing that happen once in a lifetime?

she woke up in the moning wondering wether he think about her too or not

well who knows?

one thing she know is she just ruined her own heart, she is the lost soul that forgot the immensity of love

one thing I know, she shouldn't be afraid of love, because you never know what love will bring to you. it will give you a broken heart, but it will definitely bring you an amazing lesson,
you can't run away from broken heart, but you can always start over and be happy with someone who deserve you
whether you realized or not, love and broken heart helps you grows up

to every lost soul who forget the immensity of love, don't worry everything will be alright, life have a funny way to surprise you, you'll be okay, you just have to hold on to that

21

to the man i love, as i have never loved another, or even will again. the man who i love with all that i am, and all that i hope to be.

happy 21 months Ato. you are the best thing that ever happen to me.

21 bulan yang lalu, ketika hampir semua orang menatap dengan tatapan aneh mereka "kok lo tega sih nyakitin cewek lain?" , but here it is. you maybe forget what u said that night, but i remember he clearly said "i choosed you"....... so i choosed you  too, no doubt.

dear Ato, ive been dreaming about going to a Zoo with my boyfriend (just the two of us) since my first time dating a boy, it was 14. and you make another dream come true. aku bahkan punya list-list hal cheesy yang mau dilakuin berdua pacar. norak dan nyebelin mungkin, tapi beberapa hal itu pelan-pelan aku coret ketika sama kamu.

you don't have any idea how happy i am today♥ aku bahkan nangis pas kamu pergi, bukan karena aku sedih, tapi aku seneng, kalo bisa hari ini dijadiin 48 jam:')

hai sayang, terimakasih dulu udah memilih aku daripada orang lain, terimakasih udah bantu aku lepas dari orang lain, terimakasih udah buat aku moveon.
terimakasih untuk charger ipod 21 bulan yang lalu

terimakasih untuk nunggu berjam-jam cuma untuk pulang kuliah bareng

terimakasih untuk 40 menit perjalanan dari rumahmu-rumahku 

terimakasih untuk sudah mau melakukan hal-hal cheesy sama aku

terimakasih sayang udah merubah aku, membawa hal yang selama ini orang lain punya tapi aku ga punya, "cinta".

terimakasih untuk sudah ajarin aku artinya setia, makasih udah ajarin aku artinya perjuangan.

termakasih untuk sudah mau jadi ibu peri aku.

terimakasih untuk tidak membentak walau aku selalu membentak.

terimakasih untuk sudah mau terus nunggu aku ketika aku pergi. 

terimakasih untuk memaafkan disemua kebohongan dan kejahatan aku

terimakasih untuk tidak mendengarkan orang lain yang berkata kita lebih baik berpisah

terimakasih untuk tidak pernah pergi walau aku pernah pergi

terimakasih untuk selalu mendengarkan semua cerita ga penting di hidupku

terimakasih  untuk selalu ada ketika orang lain pergi

terimakasih untuk selalu percaya dan ada di dalam setiap mimpi yang aku punya walau ngga ada satu pun orang yang percaya

terimakasihuntuk  udah mau sabar ngasih aku pengertian disetiap berantemnya kita. 

termakasih untuk udah bikin aku bisa nulis ini sambil nangis karena terharu atas hal-hal baik yang udah kamu kasih ke aku. 

terimakasih untuk sudah sayang sama aku, sesederhana dan sedewasa ini.

terimakasih untuk memilih aku

dan yang terpenting....

quoted from valentine's day  the movie "how did you and your partner get it so right? easy, I dated my bestfriend"

terimakasih untuk sudah menjadi sahabat dan teman hidup terbaik.

  

when i first saw you, i know a great journey will happen. thank you for being something i always wanted, thank you for the journey, we'll have another great journey ahead, i love you to, selamat tanggal 21♥

because of you

well i'm having a bad day, i talk to people even stranger, so i think a cheesy post here won't matter.

i've been talking about leaving you lately, but in the end i'll keep coming back for you, i can't stand to see you cry, people said when you in love, their sorrow being yours too, so here i am, my heart broken into pieces because i know bad thing just happen to you. 

i know you're having a hard time lately, and life being so asshole to you and sorry for being an asshole too, you know i didn't mean to, it's just i'm miserable without you. i don't care what people might say about us, but the only thing that i know is you're the one who matter the most for me

dan semaleman ini aku berusaha mengingat kenapa aku waktu itu memilih kamu........i used to be a selfish one, ketika berada di suatu relationship yang ku tau hanya aku harus bahagia, aku bahkan tidak mau mendengar masalah pasanganku, buatku masalah dia ya bukan masalahku. but you came, and everything change, 

you are that one person that made me do things i never did and i'm totally okay with that. orang pertama yang berhasil membuat kata 'tidak' menjadi tetap menyenangkan,  i'm totally in love with you no matter who you are......... and thank you for changing my life,
 terimakasih sudah jadi sahabat, kakak, ayah, musuh, guard, guru ku

it's not the love of my life, but it's one kind of love and longing. i don't want to leave this time, and instead of worrying about when i'll  get sick of you, i wake up worrying that you'll leave me. i want it to last this time, and i'm not talking about months, but years. i don't long for anyone else, i sometime admire beautiful boys but i don't dare touch, i don't want to break us. this is my masterpiece and i won't leave until being left.

dear Ato, kadang hidup memang sekejam ini, kadang memang yang kita ngga pernah dapet apa yang kita inginkan, but don't regret anything, seperti kita tidak pernah menyesal meninggalkan apa yang sebelumnya kita punya. at least you've tried dan aku tahu betapa kamu berusaha untuk itu.  semoga Allah mengangkat semua kesedihan kamu malam ini.............seberat apapun masalah yang kamu hadapin, sekarang kamu punya teman berbagi, we'll get through this together. 

jangan sedih lagi......you don't have any idea how miserable i am today. i'm broken, because i know you're not okay. please be happy, it's the only way i could be happy too.

i put my faith on you, so please don't give up on yourself

with♥

delapan

            

“Tulisan ini untuk ikut kompetisi @_PlotPoint: buku Catatan si Anak Magang Film “Cinta Dalam Kardus” yang tayang di bioskop mulai 13 Juni 2013.

                       

          

     

            Tahukah kamu apa itu rindu?

Bagiku, rindu adalah refleksi wajahmu ketika mataku menatap beruang magenta kecil di  dalam kardus besar tempatku menguncimu. Beruang yang jika dipeluk akan menjawab “I love your hug” ,

            Aku masih ingat  hari itu,  8 Febuari 2012. hari dimana  twitter ku penuh dengan mention yang kebanyakan berkata “selamat tanggal 8 ke-8 kalian berdua!” Aku juga masih ingat kamu yang mengaku tak pernah bisa jadi orang sweet  itu berdiri berjam-jam di depan tempat les ku, membawa bungkusan ditanganmu.

            “loh kamu ngapain?”

            “nungguin kamu, happy annive ya barn. Ini punya kamu dibukanya pas dirumah aja, makan kebab yuk, laper”

Dirumah, kubuka bungkusan putih darimu, ada 2 kotak . Kotak pertama berisi boneka lotso yang katamu akan jadi pemeluk terbaik ku,  Dan yang kedua, isinya toples merah berisi ratusan bintang kertas yang kau selipkan surat manis didalamnya.

“hai barn! Happy 8^th months, maaf ya barn aku belum bisa jadi apa yang kamu mau, oia kata orang , kalo bikin 1000 bintang kertas, permohonannya bakal terkabul, tapi maaf ya barn ini Cuma ada 500an, tp Allah tetep tahu doa aku beneran ko…aku mau selamanya sama kamu”

Sayangnya, selamanya bukan bagian dari cerita kita. Bukan, ini bukan tentang bintang kertas yang tidak sampai 1000, tapi tentang bagaimana kita berdua perlahan melupakan apa yang kita punya.

Ingat rencana pergi ke New York? kita membuat perjanjian menyisihkan uang setiap harinya sampai terkumpul untuk perjalanan kita nanti. Percaya atau tidak, aku masih melanjutkannya sampai sekarang.

Aku rindu kamu, Kamu yang mencintai Arsenal sampai mati, sampai-sampai menyihirku jadi fans Arsenal juga, aku juga masih memakai Jersey pemberianmu yang kau beli dari hasil 2 minggu tidak jajan disekolah.

Seharusnya aku tidak boleh merindukanmu, tapi bagaimana mungkin tidak?  Kamu adalah orang yang aku pikirkan setiap baru bangun tidur kurang lebih selama 18 bulan.  Dan tidak perduli sebahagia apa aku sekarang ini, selengkap apa hidupku saat ini kata orang, bagiku, there’s always something missing, because you no longer here.

Awalnya ku pikir aku ini ovum di hidupmu. Sampai akhirnya kalimat “aku gakbisa, aku udah sayang orang lain” dari mu menyadarkan bahwa aku hanya badan polar. Aku belum cukup untuk jadi apa yang kamu butuhkan. Padahal katamu kita ini 8, tidak ada putusnya. Dan kalau diputar 90 derajat, jadi lambing infinity, ah we were too in love when you said it.

Kubaca berulang kali personal message mu malam ini, “selamat malam, bulanJ” tulismu. aku meringis, bukannya dulu kamu sering membuat pesan yang sama untuk ku? then I wonder how it feels for you when you made those words now. Do you feel the same pain as mine? Ah andai move on itu gampang.

Bayangan terakhirku tentangmu, adalah pundakmu yang menjauh di hari ulang tahunku. Surat terakhir darimu yang diselipkan di kemeja hijau hadiah ulang tahun darimu,berisi “sukses ptn-nya!” dan tahu? Aku memakai kemeja darimu di hari tes masuk perguruan tinggi negeri kemarin, it’s my lucky suite, and you’re my luck.

Saat ini iPod ku men-shuffle the man who can’t be moved nya The Script. Membuatku makin mengudara. Ah jay, if we’re meant to be, we will be, right?

Happy birthday, kuping :3

"Aku selalu menitipkan harapan yang sama di dalam ribuan rintik-rintik hujan ; aku ingin hari depanku selalu bersamamu"

Sebelumnya, selamat tanggal 1 Mei, kamu. Aku punya banyak harapan buat kamu yang gak perlu aku bilang, kamu pun tau.  

Selamat mencapai tahun ke 18 jadi kamu

Have a really great year ahead, dude!

Sukses segala-galanya

Sabar-sabar sama aku, langgeng yah walau nanti bandung-semarang ga deket,

Hari ini, bersamaan sama hujan yang deras, di depan jendela aku nulis ini, menumpahkan banyak harapan tentang kamu ditengah rintik-rintik hujan

Pertama, semoga kamu, aku, kita luls UN dengan nilai yang memuaskan, selanjutnya kamu ke bandung, aku ke semarang, kamu jadi bapak sipil, aku jadi dokter kota. 

Pernah ada yang nanya "kenapa sih lo milih dia? "

Kenapa? I dunno, i just look into his eyes and i found something that i can't find on anyone else. 

Dia emang bukan calon dokter yang punya nilai anatomi 100, atau salah satu kandidat sekolah di olimpiade fisika.

Dia cuma dia, yang kalo uas matanya celingukan nyari jawaban, yang kalo ada tugas susah ngejoki, yang kalo abis try out gapernah tau dia jawab apa tadi. 

But he bring back something , something that everyone call "love"

and for me it's more than enough

I love u too the moon and back:)

Good luck kuping lebar Inget plan plan kamu 7 tahun ke depan :) 

I got your back and you got mine right? 

Kamu bantuin aku bikin hal yang mustahil buat aku jd gak mustahil lagi, dan aku juga gitu, 

FTSL ITB is waiting for you, and i'll be the one who waiting for you to get home 7 years later. 

Once more, happy birthday dude,I love you!  <3 div="">

Chasing happiness

"Because god saves the best for you"

Kata-kata ini gue kutip dari omongannya naj beberapa hari lalu, gue inget banget pas naj galau beberapa minggu lalu dan sekarang gue ngeliat dia bahagia banget , selamat dulu lah Naj sama Sony ya walau angka 6 kalo diputer gakjadi lambang infinity, gue doain kaliannya semoga kebahagiaan kalian infinity ko :D

Btw, i love the way sony treat her, i'ts just really great to know your best friend is in love with someone who treat her right, not only right, but treat her with the way she want.  Love her for who is she.

Kaya liat Anuy sama Yanggo, kata orang mereka camen, tp gue tau yanggo sayangnya ngepol ke anuy, jd gue bahagia anuy dapet yanggo :)

Atau liat Rana sama Raka yang cute, Mbem sama Raki, Putri sama Vessa.

Because their smile is something that make me smile even more everyday:)

Gue jadi inget sebelum mereka sampe ke titik yang membahagiakan kaya gini, mereka pernah sakit hati, 

Naj ditinggal I, Nuy ditinggal R

Rana harus udahan dulu sama Raka bentar dan itu berat banget buat dia, tapi raka ya balik lagi tuh:p malah makin sayang sama rana, iya kan Rak?:p

Mbem kehilangan Raki dulu sampe akhirnya Raki balik lagi trus sekarang dia yang gakmau kehilangan Mbem :)

Putri harus ngelewatin berantem tiap hari sama Vessa sampe akhirnya mereka berdua bisa sampe gini, btw mereka udah mau 3 tahunan loh:p

Kata Naj "kita harus ngerasain yang salah dulu baru yang bener, sakit dulu, baru bahagia"

Then i replied "bahagianya gue lagi ngebahagiain orang lain dulu" 

Kemudian gue tersadar. Gue mengejar segelas anggur mahal, padahal yang gue butuhkan cuma segelas air putih, dan air putihnya tepat ada di depan gue.  

setiap orang mau disayang sesuai dengan apa yang dia mau kan? And this is what i want.  

To be your part time lover and your full time friend, to love you for who you are, love you with the way you want to be loved.  

i know there's nothing i can do to make everyone feel better, but i'm sorry..
i hope you didn't find another Riri in the future